Why I Did Not Call

I did not call my brother and sisters on Thanksgiving.

It wasn't because I was selfish. Or because I was waiting for them to call. Or because I wasn't thinking of them. The reason I didn't call was because this year I was missing the kids table. A lot.

I spent the last two days baking my fingers to the bone. And, all the while I was wishing you were here.

I drank a lot of cups of coffee. And, wished you were with me. And, I would have even shared my Pumpkin Spice coffee with you.

I pulled out the most glorious looking turkey out of the oven. And, I wished you were here. You would have understood why it pleased me so. And, why I took pictures of it.

I got up early to make the rolls. So early. And, wished you were here. Because as much as I grumbled and rolled my eyes about making them, I secretly delighted in making them for you.

I even watched Star Trek for Ryan and Amanda. And, in this moment you know exactly how much I missed you.

I thought of the kids table. And wondered how old we were when we no longer sat at the kids table. Did we know that last year that it would be our last? If we had would we have cherished it? Probably not. Because we were kids and we were stupid like that.

Remember the table from when we were really little ... when we played host and hostesses to Kim and Kelly? When we would see how many olives we could eat before Mom realized we were sneaking olives? When we would laugh until milk came out our noses?

Remember the Thanksgivings with the Roberts? How we looked forward to that weekend. And, then the year the Bowens came too? Bonus.

Remember Dr. Sherwin's pie? Oh how we laughed when we cut into the special pie and there was wax paper in it. I believe that would also be the time we learned that if you save your calendars for 11 years you can reuse them. Double bonus.

Or, the year of the homeless man? I can't remember him being there. There was always a cast of strange people at our Thanksgiving table. He was not out of the ordinary. Isn't that sad?

This Thanksgiving we were over a thousand miles apart. I knew what you were doing even though I was not with you. Mostly because I was doing the same things. I knew what you were eating. Mostly because I was eating the same things. I knew what you were thankful for. Mostly because I was thankful for similar things. I was (and am) thankful for you ... were you thankful for me too?

And, so this Thanksgiving I did not call. Not because you were not in my heart. Not because I didn't think about you. But because I was missing that kids table too dern much.