A Bit Melancholy

It has been a bit since I last posted.  Well, more like a long bit.  I still have more pictures from our trip to post.  There are pictures from graduation to post.  There are pictures from the 8th grade dance that show a too grown up Torrey that will pain me to post.  And, I can't.


Because I've been a bit melancholy lately.


It's that time of year again.  It always hits me like a mack truck ... seemingly out of nowhere and yet I know it is coming.  Some years I anticipate it's coming like Christmas morning.  And some years I dread it terribly.  This year I dread it especially.


Tomorrow is the last day of school.


For the past 6 weeks I have asked myself these questions.  How?  How do I give these littles away?  Have I done enough?  Were my words always kind?  Was I everything they needed me to be?  Do they know how much Jesus loves them because they saw Him living in me?


Ava asked me the question that has been on their hearts lately.  "Will our First Grade teachers love us?"  I assured her they would.  "You promise?"  With my whole heart.  


Lord, let it be so.


I had to look away when Gracie told me that "next year they would be all scrambled up."  It saddened me to think that our little family would never be the same again.  It makes them sad, too.


Serick gave me a picture of him crying, because next year he would miss me so much.  Serick, who has kept me in stitches most of the year, reduced me to tears.  


These last days have been spent remembering fun things that happened this year.


Like when the butterflies hatched and I spilled the water and each kinderfriend carried a butterfly cupped in their hands to the playground.  I close my eyes and I still see them ... in a line, giggling, walking slowly, carrying their precious cargo.  How thankful I am for a spilled cup of water and drowning butterflies!


We remembered our field trip to the beach and the long bus ride there.  And back.  They asked me over and over again if we were almost there.  Makes me smile now.  Not so much then.


We have promised to be friends forever.  They have promised to come back and visit just like all the past kiddos.  I have promised to give lots of hugs ... and to chase and kiss those that think they are too big to stop and say hi.


I am sad to say that this years class has taught me more than I have taught them.  I am a different person today than I was on that first day in August.  After a difficult year last year, they were exactly what I needed.   And, I am thankful.


Thankful for 16 littles who were mine for a minute.  Thankful for 16 littles who love Jesus with their whole heart.  Thankful for 16 littles who love each other for exactly who they are.  Thankful for 16 littles who will change the world.  Thankful for 16 littles who changed me for the better.